Darling, you are the only exception

I'm not disappointed just sad. I totally don't know what is going through his heart nor mind.

But i don't get to spend my time just the two of us. Everywhere we go he will always invite his friends.

It's just that i felt, he priorities his friends than me. It's not that i'm not trying to be understanding.

I'm trying the best i could. Could he atleast consider how i would feel? I'm trying my very best to be patient and being an understanding person just for our relationship. Am i not his priority? I minimize my time spending with my friends because i know he won't like it. I want the best for us.

But its been so hard for me lately. I don't think he could understand that. I hope there still patience left in me.

I don't want to throw out my anger. I've been afraid to tell him how i would feel cause i know complaining bored him. And he wouldnt want to listen to any of my crap, i called my feelings.

Maybe to him i think to much. It's just me having feelings.

And maybe each time i felt sad, angry and disappointed i feel like going back to the person who always love me and won't get tired of listening to me complaining. I just couldn't.

Only Allah can help me now.

I wish i had a man who really would be there comforting me rather then crying to sleep.

A man who always put my feeling first.

Ya Allah please give me the strength to go through all this.

I want back laughter and my smile. Insyallah one day

I'm just curious and it seems like i don't understand at all.
You promised me you will make things better between us.
Each and everytime when you are with me it seems that you got something better to do.
I've been to patient with you.
You rather spend your time with your phone when i'm by your side.
There's always a last min plan with your friends when we are all alone together.
And you're always fast alseep when we had the time to be together.
Why can't we have a normal conversation like how other couples has?
When its come to your friends that always alot to talk about.
I feel so lonely most of the time.
I know i dont have much friends like you do?
But why can't you make me your priority?
I'm all alone with no one to talk to.
I decrease the amount of friends i hang out with cause i always make u my priority
But what happen here?
Maybe to you that i'm ur priority but it doesnt seems that way
I wish for someone could be there for me no matter how busy or how tired they are.
I wish someone could care for me.

Here i am blogging again.

It's been so long now, it's been a few years now.

Let me go back to where i used to stop.

2011 april mum is no longer with us now, she left us due to breast cancer
obviously everyone know how regretful feeling for not taking good care of her.
I know no one will read this but i just want to keep this to myself.
I miss mummy, i miss her nagging, her cooking and her love.
She never gave up on me. I was being stubborn for not listening to her at all.
I know all the wrong doings that i have done. I admit my mistakes.
I love her too much to let her go.
But lifes have to go on. Allah love her.Honestly it has been a struggle for me
after she left. I've change to became the most worst daughter ever.
As you know i was still with the boyfriend, Nur Fadhli.
But you know everyone was blaming me for not taking care of mummy that well before she left.

As months goes by, I had the worst argument with Fadhli until he left me.
Its not easy to see him leave me like that. But Allah has showed me that he had someone else.
Of course i was totally dissapointed by all that.
But i had to let the memory go. After mum left he left.
I wanted him to give me all the attention that i really need.
I lost someone who i love dearly,mum.
Fadhli left me just like that even without knowing how i felt.
But as days goes by it was a relief, Cause i finally found someone who love me dearly.

Shahrin, He's a 36 years old guy working as a teacher in some primary school around admiralty.
A guy of my dreams. Well, at first he never gave up inviting me out for rock concert, for movies and also for dinner.
HE's the most gentlemen guy i ever met. He everything i ever wanted in a guy.
But sadly i was still in love with the ex bf(fadhli)
He still never giving up in me. Always being there for me and sacrifices he's time just for me.
Always making me happy. He wanted to settle down with me. Getting married?
Yeah. It's seems hard at first.
But who doesnt wants a guy who is mentally, physically and financially stable.
I thought it was about time for me. Slowly i accepted his presents..
Even my family loves him too much. But everything ended.

october2012
I really thought shahrin was the one for me. But he gave up after i had a conversation with FAdhli
I know i was wrong but he doesnt have to gave up just like that.
Maybe its true that im still in love with fadhli but i dont trust him at all.
How could i be with someone who has someone else as his partner.
It would be fair for any of us.
but the fact that i had no choice but to gave fadhli another chance since he promise to take good care of me.
I did gave him the chance,
And slowly let him change to what he said he wanted to be.
To be a responsible future for myself.

But still i had no trust left for him.
Sad but true. As days weeks go by.
We keep having arguments i myself couldnt control
I keep questioning his love.
What i have seen is just the old him. And never will he change.
I started to regret for leaving shahrin for him.
Who wouldnt?
But lifes have to go on.
Bit by bit i see changes in Fadhli.
I can just hope one day Allah will open up his heart competely.
And i hope one day he will consider how i would feel everytime he hurt me
This is only lesson learn.
I just wish i could turn back time right now.
I can only pray for the best of us both. Insyallah